The journey into Solid Masculinity requires five significant changes in your life.
Some of these changes may be already happening, others may be yet to come. To forge your solidness you must begin to shift five things in your life. There is one primary shift which is foundational to the four other important shifts. Let’s look at an overview of theses shifts.
Primary shift; Externals to Internals
A raft on the ocean has no control over direction or speed, it is at the mercy of the waves, the current and the wind. Men with an external point of reference are like a raft on the ocean. Life is guided from the outside; at the whims of the wind and waves. Your boss, your wife, your family, expectations from culture are examples of external drivers.
A solid man has an internal point of reference. He moves from an internal place; his identity, intuition, intention, passion and purpose. He is internally driven. He has been set free from fear and external restraint. He is active, not passive. He is like a power boat moving with strength and intent. His internal point of reference allows him to be internally defined. He knows who he is and he is not finding his identity through external sources.
Second shift; Attached to Counterfeits to Anchored to the Source
We get attached to stuff that we think brings us life. Things like alcohol, drugs, sex, validation from women, cars, success, 6-pack abs, certain jobs, the list goes on.
If I only have , then I’ll have life, but it always comes up short. These are our counterfeits and believe me, we all have our own list.
A solid man has a strong sense that life comes from somewhere deep. This Source is the provider of abundance and life. The solid man pursues this Source with intent, energy and connection; drawing vigor, strength, identity, validation and guidance for the journey.
The world does not revolve around us, we are not the point. We must engage in a journey to discover our true source of life.
Third shift; Reflected Self to Solid Self
A man with a reflected sense of self relies on others to tells him who he is and if he is good enough or acceptable. A reflected self is like mirror at the County Fair that is always changing so he never really knows who he is; fat, skinny, stretching for eternity. A man with a reflected sense of self needs external validation and usually relies on women to provide that.
A solid man has a solid sense of self that is developed from learning and believing the internal realities and truth about who he really is. He does not have to prove himself because he is internally validated. He knows he is “good enough” and has reclaimed the true narrative of his life. He has settled the questions about his identity and moves with confidence.
Fourth shift; Covert to Overt
Men who have an external point of reference fly under the radar being nice and hoping to get what they need by covert operations instead of just saying what they want and need. Or they actually don’t even know what they want or need.
A solid man is aware and responsible for wants and needs. He is self-aware and speaks clearly about what he wants and needs. This is a significant shift when it comes to relating well.
Fifth shift; Victim to Creator
A victim is a passive recipient to whatever life brings and has a passive posture to life. The victim believes a narrative that they are powerless and have no choice.
A solid man knows he has a choice and action to take in every circumstance in life. He does not allow his wounds to enslave him or define him. He has an active and powerful posture in his life by creating his environment and relationships how he wants them to be.
Becoming a Solid Man requires these five shifts in your life. Changing requires courage and intent.