The pursuit of purity is not about the suppression of lust, but about the reorientation of one’s life to a larger goal.
D. Bonhoeffer
I think this quote simply outlines a solid way out of porn and sex addiction. There are two options as you try to break free from lust, porn and sexual acting out.
First, try to suppress lust. This is done by changing your behaviors; snapping a rubber band on your wrist, being in an accountability group, praying for anyone you lust after; basically white-knuckling as you manage and restrain your sexuality. Suppressing lust works to get some sobriety, but doesn’t really work for recovery or healing; you still have core issues alive and well. Every man who struggles with this has tried this hundreds, if not thousands of times.
Second, reorient your life to a larger goal. The larger goal I help men pursue is to become a SolidMan. When you become more solid, as true recovery happens, the pull of porn fades. Becoming a man who knows where life comes from, knows his true identity, is emotionally aware, is beginning to live fearlessly and intentionally results in integrity and strength. The larger goal is to become the man you have been designed to be. Instead of restraining your sexuality and passion, this requires that you actually release your true vigor and confidence in your sexuality. It is true freedom.
The shame of porn and other sexual acting out keeps men silent, confused and isolated. So the last thing a man wants to do is reveal the truth and expose his inner struggle, but it is required if you want to get out and heal. You’ve got to find a group of men who will embrace you with confidence, respect, understanding, who are on the journey. That’s the courageous start. You’ve got to want this, don’t wait until you get busted or lose important relationships. Make it happen.