In the history of humanity, the search for the meaning of life has taken many paths. Part of being human actually requires that we ask questions about life and ponder meaning. To feel human, to feel alive we must develop meaning in our lives. However, most men have lost meaning and even the search for meaning; they are lost in their own small world, seeking small accomplishments, often trying to fill the void with valueless stuff that just perpetuates shame and passivity.
Usually some life circumstance will wake you from your slumber of meaninglessness; like a lay-off, a wife saying she’s done or health issue. For a moment you’ll pop up like a prairie dog to see the terrain, often only to return to the comfort below after the crisis has passed. Most of us have this desire for life, if you want life, you must grasp the courage to stay awake and take the opportunity to ask yourself, “What is going on around me?” or “What is all this about?”.
In order to become a strong solid man, you must answer four important questions as part of this journey toward meaning and integrity in your life. The purpose of a Solid Man’s journey is to become the strongest man you can be in order to love others well. Since becoming a solid man is a process, these questions will be answered as you intentionally move through life. The four questions build one upon the other, take time with them as you need.
Question #1 Where does life come from? – Source
A Solid Man has a deep, strong sense where life comes from. This Source is the transcendent, yet imminent provider of abundance and life. The Solid Man pursues his Source with intent, energy and connection; drawing vigor, strength, identity, validation and guidance for the journey. While answering this question does not require you to be a man of religion, it does require you to look beyond your Self into deeper truths of life. If you think you are “It”, at the top of the food chain of life, you will miss the greatness of our existence.
Many have discovered their source to be in God (and the many forms people believe). Some will call their source the ‘Universe” or “Whatever is Out There”. Some see the source of life as a gigantic system which is evolving and developing. Whatever it is, your source provides the opportunity for you to live for this moment on this Earth for a purpose.
A Solid Man is on a lifetime journey of discovering how to draw near to his Source. He finds the avenues in which he specifically and personally connects deeply. This comes in many possible forms; being in nature, writing, praying, singing, working with your hands, art, laughing with friends, cooking, exercising, listening, reading scripture, generosity, serving, working, fasting, feasting, music, hunting, contemplation, creating, mentoring, liturgy; whatever it is a Solid Man discovers his personal sacred pathways to abide with his Source of life.
We get so attached to stuff that we think gives us life; women, money, jobs, sex, substances, security, all kinds of stuff. These are all great abundant gifts to us from the Source, but if these attachments become the source, soon we find they are counterfeits or lies and life is sucked right out of us. I am sure you know what I mean.
Question #2 Who am I? – Identity
A Solid Man knows who he is and who he was designed to be. His identity is founded internally from true factors that exist within himself. He is not defined by external judgments, opinions or expectations. A Solid Man does not need external validation or external definers to tell him who he is or that he is good enough. He knows that his heart is good and that he has what it takes to handle anything life brings. A Solid Man has spent necessary time discovering the truth about who he is; his design, his strengths, his weaknesses and what makes him come alive.
The journey of meaning requires that your “Question” will finally be settled. Most of us are haunted by a certain question; “Am I good enough?”, “Do I have what it takes?”, “Am I capable or acceptable?”, “Will I amount to anything?”. There are a million variations, so find your question and settle it once and for all. You settle your question through the discovery of your true identity, which will only be found from discovering who you really are, from internal categories.
Question #3 What do I Want? – Desire
A Solid Man knows what he wants and needs. He knows and trusts his internal emotional and physical processes that reveal to him his wants and needs in real time. He not only has permission to have needs, he is strongly committed to identifying and being responsible to get what he wants and needs. Then he communicates these clearly. A Solid Man is self-aware of his emotions and trusts that they make sense, because everything about him makes sense and he is confident all is in good working order. He listens to his heart and emotions for the purpose of strengthening himself, in order to love others well. He knows the purpose of intense emotions like anger, anxiety and frustration; to reveal to him what he really wants at any moment. Intense emotion does not rule him, but directs him to deeper realities within, which are translated into wants, revealing his desires and therefore helping him identify his next move.
Many of us have been told our desires are selfish or perverted, so we turn away from our wants as though they will kill us. This way of thinking is deeply rooted in lies and has enslaved the souls of men for years. Your desires actually are what will set you free and help you move to the life you want. To be honest, it is true that if your desires are driven by fear, shame, self-protection or any need for external validation or control, it will be selfish and perverted. This goes back to the previous questions, if you have strong source and identity, you’ll do fine with desires.
Question #4 Where am I going? – Purpose
A Solid Man has discovered his purpose in life, he knows what he has been designed to accomplish and pursues that with passion. His purpose will change a few times throughout his life; therefore he is always in process of discovery, equipping and refinement of his purpose. A Solid Man knows where he is going, purposefully equips himself for the journey and makes it so. He moves with intent and has a plan. A Solid Man has a strong sense of purpose. “All of us want to know that there is meaning to our lives and that we add meaning to those around us – that we are living a life of consequence and transcendence.” (Barkalow) A solid man has captured this meaning in his life and has taken responsibility to live it out in full, with fearlessness, intent and passion. That’s what having a purpose is, to actually live life on purpose. The discovery of purpose often takes years to discover, so take your time. Listen to your self, your heart, your passions, dreams and desires; they will lead the way. Journal your thoughts. At first it may seem like random thoughts and images; listen to them, write them down and soon the shape and form of your purpose will come to life.
This process can only be done from a position of fearless introspection. Fear will block your vision and suck the life from the heart of your developing purpose. A solid man is full of life and energy so he moves with passion with whatever he does; mowing the lawn, playing with the kids, sharing his feelings, making love, doing dishes, working, listening, whatever it is. Passion is unbridled and free. It is the essence of living from intuition and purpose.
Ultimately I believe the purpose of every man is to become the strongest man you can be in order to love others well.
Be strong and love well.