There are many men who find themselves “sucked” into porn. They don’t intend or want to do it, it is as though they keep getting drawn into it. Since it feels somewhat powerless to stop, it becomes a source of shame and embarrassment. Shame begins to take down confidence and vigor.
There are so many different ideas about why this is going on and how to resolve this. My take is basically this; It is not a matter of suppressing lust or restraining that part of you, but building strength and integrity at the core of who you are as a man. In other words, making the shift to become more Solid will reduce the pull porn and sexual acting out has on your life. The work is not restraint, but release; releasing who you really are and beginning to live out of the fullness of your heart.
So, why do I get sucked into porn? I’ll give you a couple of reasons, but remember that ultimately it is because you are not living from a solid place.
1) Isolation
Most men in our culture do not have good close male relationships in which you share the core of your experiences and life. We are detached and alone in our personal lives. We might have friends, but we talk about sports or insignificant things. You need 2-3 men.
2) Secrecy
I hide this part of my life because it is a source of my shame. I think something is wrong with me, so I keep it from all others. For Shame to die, it must come into the light.
3) Counterfeits
We have a tendency to choose to pursue things in our lives that come up short, that don’t end up giving us life. We all do this at times, learn from it and move toward that which truly fulfills.
4) Living From Your Head
Life is meant to be lived from the heart. Most of us have been trained to be cognitive machines with no connection to our innermost parts; heart, soul, spirit, intuition, emotions and such. We miss life if we live from an analytical place.
5) Forgetting Who You Are
In our shame we begin to believe something is wrong with us. We forget our dignity and true essence of our design. We have forgotten our heritage and who we really are.
6) No Self-care
Because somewhere we have gotten the message that it is selfish, we have stopped caring for ourselves. This is a hideous lie. We must care for ourselves because we are worthy of that.
7) Victimhood
We take a passive posture with life and let everything else run the show. We lose our sense of ownership and intent. We begin to believe life is something that is done to us, rather than something we do.